Queen and the Soldier

What do I want?

I thought I knew the answer to that one. I had a nice clear idea of what kind of relationship I wanted, how it would work, what the boundaries and dynamics involved would be. Nice and easy. The only problem was finding the right person, right?

Then I fell in love. Ok to tell the story fully that happens at least three times, but I’m talking about the most recent and most important one. The one that I’m living with and rediscovering on a daily basis.

But this isn’t a blog post about that. Rather just to say that it changed things, changed my living circumstances, my life plans, and, inevitably, what I’m looking for.

If something goes from being the primary thing you’re looking for to something else, something to be explored ad hoc, but without all the accoutrements of an escalator relationship, what does that say about the thing you wanted? Or thought you wanted?

I mean, on some level it simplifies things, secondary (yes I’m using hierarchical terms, it’s just easier to express this way) relationships demand less, are easier to work around, can be more casual.

Except “casual” doesn’t really mean that to me. Ok so maybe a relationship can be one that isn’t my main focus, but that doesn’t make the me that goes into them any less. That doesn’t make the things we do any less important.