How to talk to a guy wearing Headphones

It seems these days that lots of guys, particularly the lithe, well-groomed hotties, spend a lot of their time wearing headphones. Be they listening to music or a podcast, watching a tv program on their tablet, directing large aircraft in to land. But mostly the headphones are just there to make them seem coy and aloof and pretend they don’t just want to be tongue-bathed in our adoring attention.

Knowing the right way to approach a hot boy in headphones can make all the difference between getting their number (preferably along with their sort code) and having an A380 arrive in East Dulwich…in flaming pieces.

Guys can be shy and struggle to be sure whether a woman is interested in them. So be sure to stand extra close when engaging a guy wearing headphones. ten to fifteen centimetres is ok, any more than that and they’ll assume you’re talking to someone else.

It can be a bit intimidating to directly violate their line of sight. That angry bird, or fuel-critical passenger liner can seem pretty important right in the moment. Instead try speaking loudly at the little cutesy target of your attention. Don’t be afraid to actually shout, it just shows how assertive you are and will be something you can laugh about later.

If all else fails, physically pull the cans or buds from their ears. It’s the only way to make them really sure it’s them you’re talking to. As a bonus, the feeling of something brushing their ears is a really intimate gesture that’ll have them eating out of your hand.

Once you’ve got their attention the hard part is over and you can get on with the important stuff:

Try complimenting him on his man-spreading and how it shows off just how huge his penis must be, or how his sitting in a priority seat really underlines his alpha-male-ness.

His ears might feel a little vulnerable so now’s a good time to place your hands on them. Hold them firmly and don’t be afraid of pulling, men have much higher pain tolerances than women.

buttock-slapping is really just a friend thing. To show him you’re really interested in more than just getting past him and off the train try giving him a playful punch in the crotch, he’ll get the message.

Of course, not every single guy who’s wearing headphones is doing so in the hopes that he’ll be approached by you. But those are in the minority and, at the end of the day, that’s what autopilots are there for right?