Why?

“But why would you want to be tied up?”

Substitute in the above sentence the word “spanked” “peed on” or “locked in a chastity cage” or indeed any of an infinite variety of kinky activities.

To which I say:

Why do you sleep naked? Why do you have windows? Why aren’t you huddled in a bunker wearing a full suit of medieval armour with a stockpile of small arms and a lifetime supply of canned food?

We do it because we can. More and more I’m coming around to the opinion that the vast majority of activities that feature “power dynamics/exchanges” could be described as “trust play.” An activity that not only cements bonds of trust between people, but actively revels in them.

When I first started martial arts training I was a socially awkward shy and introverted person… Ok maybe that’s not really changed much, but after a few months of regular classes I started to feel a little kernel of inner strength. A calmness that comes from thinking “Hey, if shit got real, I might do something other than curl into a ball and try not to die.”

It’s a heady experience and something that’s been a big help to me in life (even if it means I sometimes do dim things like hiking across rough bits of London on a Friday night because I missed the last tube).

The only problem is that it’s a confidence that, on some level, relies on my physical ability. If I lost an arm or a leg, or was sick or tired, I wouldn’t be in the same position from a self-defence perspective. So what does that mean of the little nugget of inner strength? Is that as fragile as my physical health?

Look at some of the photos of Mohammed Ali, the ones where he’s posing, fists up for the camera. Then look into his eyes, look into his eyes and try to tell me there’s not a scared little child behind them.

Being easy-going and cheerful can be easy sometimes, if you’ve got a sword in your hand, or biceps and pecs you could feed a family of four with. Doing so with both arms tied behind your back and dangling from the ceiling? That’s something else.